Rhysography

This weekend, I was a winner.

My team’s video entry for the recent film festival won Best Screenplay, Best Acting, and Best Picture.

Yeah, it fucking took me by surprise. 

Not only did I have no faith for the video winning anything, I almost [wanted] it to win nothing to spite one of my teammates for ripping my original concept to shreds.

But about halfway through the film festival, I changed my mind.

“How shitty would it be if we came all the way here only to lose?”

They showed three out of the four entries at the festival, and they showed ours last. I almost had a heart attack when ours came up because one, I was really expecting to lose, and two, the movie started immediately after they had put it in, and it threw me for a loop since the others required menu direction.

We fucking won! Three awards, no less! Out of SIX! 

Of course, all of this excitement does not come without its doubts.

“What if we had gone with my original concept? Would we still have won best screenplay? Do I have bad taste? What the hell? We won best acting? It was a cardboard robot, a douche-bag of a character, and ME! I’ve never acted well my entire life!”

BEST PICTURE?!

Jesus Christ. It’s been a whirlwind of emotion. I’ve gone from utterly ecstatic to severely conflicted in two seconds flat, back and forth all day. 

A friend of mine didn’t really water down her thoughts before blurting them out, though.

“I hate to say this, but how did you guys win best acting? You’re not an actress!”

Wow. Thank you so much.

I never said I was an actress, let alone a good one, but my god. Way to knock down my already low self-esteem several more notches. 

I guess it was mostly my fault, though. I kept telling them how terrible I was in the video, and as a result, I made it okay for them to say so. I always do this to myself. I need to stop.

Did we deserve the win? I really hope we did.