![12:39 am
I never saw myself being the friend who made her friends choose between her or someone else, but after tonight, my friends have made their choice pretty clear.
Let me start at the beginning. A jackass transfers to my school spring quarter of last year having already known one of my friends. I find myself becoming attracted to him for only God knows why, but he has a girlfriend at the time, who by the way, was a psychopathic paranoid bitch who didn’t know trust from jealousy for shit. That doesn’t, however, stop him from flirting with me and planting seeds of hope in my head. After a couple months of getting to know him and his eventual breakup with his girlfriend, he decides it’d be a GREAT idea to confess his feelings for me— two days after he’d “painfully” broken up with his girlfriend.
I knew it was a bad idea to believe anything he said, because I was nothing more than a rebound, but as unBELIEVABLY STUPID as I am, I got sucked into his words and caring embraces.
His birthday arrives. He kisses me. I kiss him back. We didn’t have sex, THANK GOD, but we did end up getting pretty intimate considering how long we’d begun “liking each other”; which was ONE DAY.
I am the biggest idiot in the world.
So I float around, light and happy as a bird, and he texts me asking to stop by his place after my class.
Boom.
“I talked to [insert crazy ass bitch name here] last night, and… I think we should take a break.”
A break. A break from what exactly? A break from 24 hours of using me like a one dollar hooker? A break from tossing me in the trash like a worn out rag?
Right. Break this, you mother fucker.
After about 36 hours of not eating, feeling sorry for myself, and borderline needing medical attention, I recover.
But then I find myself missing my “friend.” We somehow end up making amends, but he tells me soon after: “everything I felt for you is real,” and “it’s so hard for me to look at you because I’m back with [bitch something or other].”
“I still have feelings for you.”
Then a couple weeks later, he starts spending time with another girl from my building; not hesitating to tell her AND her roommate about how I threw myself at him and how I wanted to start a relationship with him after he’d just broken up with his girlfriend.
I actually liked her. She was sweet. But just for the fact that he told her all these lies, and she believed him, I don’t think she saw me the same way again. And honestly, I couldn’t look at her the same way either.
As my roommate so nonchalantly put it: “Sloppy seconds.” I haven’t seen her since.
I’m writing all this now because, should I do anything to myself that could result in my existence fading from the earth, someone out there will know what really happened.
Tonight, my friends chose him. And they chose him because I hate talking about this chapter of my life.
I haven’t felt like a part of my friends since I’ve come back.
He has won.
If I disappeared tomorrow, would anyone notice or even care?](http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l9ypf3010d1qc6oaao1_500.jpg)
12:39 am
I never saw myself being the friend who made her friends choose between her or someone else, but after tonight, my friends have made their choice pretty clear.
Let me start at the beginning. A jackass transfers to my school spring quarter of last year having already known one of my friends. I find myself becoming attracted to him for only God knows why, but he has a girlfriend at the time, who by the way, was a psychopathic paranoid bitch who didn’t know trust from jealousy for shit. That doesn’t, however, stop him from flirting with me and planting seeds of hope in my head. After a couple months of getting to know him and his eventual breakup with his girlfriend, he decides it’d be a GREAT idea to confess his feelings for me— two days after he’d “painfully” broken up with his girlfriend.
I knew it was a bad idea to believe anything he said, because I was nothing more than a rebound, but as unBELIEVABLY STUPID as I am, I got sucked into his words and caring embraces.
His birthday arrives. He kisses me. I kiss him back. We didn’t have sex, THANK GOD, but we did end up getting pretty intimate considering how long we’d begun “liking each other”; which was ONE DAY.
I am the biggest idiot in the world.
So I float around, light and happy as a bird, and he texts me asking to stop by his place after my class.
Boom.
“I talked to [insert crazy ass bitch name here] last night, and… I think we should take a break.”
A break. A break from what exactly? A break from 24 hours of using me like a one dollar hooker? A break from tossing me in the trash like a worn out rag?
Right. Break this, you mother fucker.
After about 36 hours of not eating, feeling sorry for myself, and borderline needing medical attention, I recover.
But then I find myself missing my “friend.” We somehow end up making amends, but he tells me soon after: “everything I felt for you is real,” and “it’s so hard for me to look at you because I’m back with [bitch something or other].”
“I still have feelings for you.”
Then a couple weeks later, he starts spending time with another girl from my building; not hesitating to tell her AND her roommate about how I threw myself at him and how I wanted to start a relationship with him after he’d just broken up with his girlfriend.
I actually liked her. She was sweet. But just for the fact that he told her all these lies, and she believed him, I don’t think she saw me the same way again. And honestly, I couldn’t look at her the same way either.
As my roommate so nonchalantly put it: “Sloppy seconds.” I haven’t seen her since.
I’m writing all this now because, should I do anything to myself that could result in my existence fading from the earth, someone out there will know what really happened.
Tonight, my friends chose him. And they chose him because I hate talking about this chapter of my life.
I haven’t felt like a part of my friends since I’ve come back.
He has won.
If I disappeared tomorrow, would anyone notice or even care?
