I left 2011, finally, feeling free. Free from three long wasted years of self-inflicted torment and anguish over a friendship that was never supposed to last.
The one thing I wish I freed myself from, though, is my unrelenting self-conscious and timid tendencies.
I want more than anything to accept the unconventional parts of myself and to eventually be proud of being someone. I want to be proud of myself.
One day.
But for now, pages. Pages at a time.
it begins.
You know what’s really funny? [To me, anyway.]
Ever since my brother demonstrated how he doesn’t even need to type his texts anymore with the help of Siri, I can’t help but think of our impending future, and I insist that he start working out more.
Now. Do I want a blue jumpsuit, or red?
Guy in plaid shirt says red.
… when all the crying you’re capable of doesn’t stop the sadness?
How do I stop it?
It doesn’t make me feel better, it doesn’t release the sadness.
It just validates it.
I can’t live like this anymore.
There are certain things you can only realize when you’re home.
The memories you leave behind are gone forever. No matter how many pictures you took. No matter how many people you loved. No matter how much resentment you’ve carried from it since you left. It’s all gone.
I’ve forgotten things. I forgot all the things that I loved about home.
I left it all because I didn’t want to remember why my friendships didn’t work.
“You really do have high expectations.”
Clearly, I’ve gotten nowhere since then. I’ve spent years hating people. People who’ve moved on the moment I left their lives.
“Your personal statement actually really sucked. But that isn’t why you didn’t get into UW.”
My body has grown tired of my bitterness and harsh self-criticism.
“You didn’t get in because you didn’t want it that much.”
I can either die, or I keep leaving home. Either way, though, makes me a coward.
“She cared about you too. You just couldn’t see it, that’s all.”
It’s all gone. There are no questions. It shouldn’t follow me around anymore.
“You can move on from this. I know you can.”
That is one beautiful wedding dress, Corinne. Well done.
My DIY wedding dress! Stay tuned for a video explaining how it was made…
Shit’s trippy!
![You know what’s funny about this picture?
The first thing I noticed was the announcement for BIGBANG. XD
I absolutely love DEV, though. ;D
[I just happen to love TAEYANG a wee bit more.]](http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lrleu0MYaP1qksvj6o1_400.png)
You know what’s funny about this picture?
The first thing I noticed was the announcement for BIGBANG. XD
I absolutely love DEV, though. ;D
[I just happen to love TAEYANG a wee bit more.]
![God, I love these two people! :D
Joe: We did a movie a long time ago called Havoc, that’s why we know each other and why we’re such good friends and one day, I thought I was really hot and I brought a copy of Julius Caesar to work and I was like “yeah, I’m reading Shakespeare”. She’s like, “oh, cool!”. We’re sitting around and I sort of read some and I thought I was hot shit. This one takes Julius Caesar and read the Mark Antony speech like flawless, like beautiful! Like she should have been on stage and I was just so floored! Do you remember what I’m talking about?Anne: I do, I do! I’d like to thank my 8th grade English teacher who made us memorize the Mark Antony speech so I could show off in front of Joseph Gordon-Levitt. I totally was faking it by the way. I was like - oh this? Well… I totally had that memorized, I totally knew what I was doing! I was flirting with you, dude! You were so dense! That’s my game, I drop Shakespeare! [x]](http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lnqqjdhWkN1qcxpfwo1_500.gif)
God, I love these two people! :D
Joe: We did a movie a long time ago called Havoc, that’s why we know each other and why we’re such good friends and one day, I thought I was really hot and I brought a copy of Julius Caesar to work and I was like “yeah, I’m reading Shakespeare”. She’s like, “oh, cool!”. We’re sitting around and I sort of read some and I thought I was hot shit. This one takes Julius Caesar and read the Mark Antony speech like flawless, like beautiful! Like she should have been on stage and I was just so floored! Do you remember what I’m talking about?
Anne: I do, I do! I’d like to thank my 8th grade English teacher who made us memorize the Mark Antony speech so I could show off in front of Joseph Gordon-Levitt. I totally was faking it by the way. I was like - oh this? Well… I totally had that memorized, I totally knew what I was doing! I was flirting with you, dude! You were so dense! That’s my game, I drop Shakespeare! [x]
(via josephgordon-levitt)
I got into a bit of a fender bender today. It was totally my fault.
His car as well as his daughter and himself were all unharmed.
That’s the most I want to say about it.
What I do want to say about is that, while I was incessantly apologetic and scared to death, he was a real asshole about it.
I’m upset because he wouldn’t give me his information because it was “my fault, my fault my fault.”
I’m very familiar with self-blame. But it sounds so much different when someone else is blaming you.
I’ve lost some of my brother’s trust, and I’ve lost a lot of respect from myself.
Not enough knives in the world could cut this self-loathing out of my gut.
Tonight, I feel like a legitimate fuck up.
I would very much like this on a t-shirt.
